i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I could fuck to npr.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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