he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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