My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
