I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
