After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
