the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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