It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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