1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
