you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
