My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
