I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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