went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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