you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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