all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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