i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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