Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
