Your dad touched me again.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
