we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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