i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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