I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
