Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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