Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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