drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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