Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
