the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
