Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
