Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
