Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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