It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
