Soap is not a condiment
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
