That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
