we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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