It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
