I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
