she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
