I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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