I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sarcasm needs its own font
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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