hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
