So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
