Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
