you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
