He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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