babies were throwing up all over the place
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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