she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
