I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
