Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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