I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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