Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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