There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
