I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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