my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
